just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
