No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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