I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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