so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
