A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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