yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
