Reggie can tackle my bush.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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