What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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