sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
True college students do jello shots in the library
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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