So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
