the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
