I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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