I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The Olympian is in my bed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize