Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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