I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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