mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
