Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
