my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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