The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
