I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
