Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
