I am puke
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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