I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
