If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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