Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Are my feet made of real feet?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
