I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
