does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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