also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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