paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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