It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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