I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
