and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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