just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
