On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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