Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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