I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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