The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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