its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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