I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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