I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
