Your tits are I can't wait for
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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