I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
