You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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