College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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