Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
