My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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