So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
