I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
