my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
