Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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