the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Farmville is her only friend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
