Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I smell stomach acid.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
