i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
