Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
