Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
