I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
