just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize