so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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