i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
