Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wish there were birth control emojis
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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