i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
birth control should be required to get into college
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize