he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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