OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
