Do you still have your period?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
