I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
