I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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