I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize